Social Rehabilitation

It has recently occured to me that I have been almost entirely absent from any sort of social scene the past two and a half months. This hasn't bothered me too much, other than missing hanging out with friends and family, but upon realizing it, I've begun to see the effects its had...I've laughed at myself quite a lot for it actually, because its rather pathetic. I mean, I'm not exactly socially talented anyway, but after two months of interacting with no one but children and my employer, it's gotten even worse. Think of the most socially awkward person you know or can imagine, and then picture someone worse, and that's me. My friend Rachel is studying in London, and the last few days she was here before going home for her summer holidays, I helped her move to her new flat. The poor thing, I only realized now how terrible that must have been for her. I was terrible company! Being alone a lot, I'm perfectly content to sit in silence. I think that most people feel the need for conversation when they're with someone else, especially if they're friends. And I've more or less lost my conversation skills. I find myself trailing off my sentences, or stopping in the middle of a thought and finishing it in my head, or just babbling off on something no one but me is interested in, long after people have stopped listening. I'm sort of a background person here; people notice me and acknowledge me, such as the other moms and nannies, but I'm not really significant at all. A background person. And that's okay, temporarily. The only thing is that it sort of shoots me off to another planet, because I do have a brain (sometimes I wonder, but I'm pretty sure its up there) and it wanders when its not engaged in some sort of interaction. Wow, I can't believe I'm admitting this, but I guess as long as I'm on the subject of social alienation, I might as well: I have caught myself quite frequently having conversations with myself as I walk down the street--out loud. Now this wouldn't be so bad at home where there aren't all that many people, but London is a bustling city with tons of people on the street almost all the time. Yeah...fortunately they are generally pretty quiet conversations, but they are nonetheless out loud. Or I'll catch myself humming or singing or whistling, and not realizing it (all the while wondering why people are looking at me funny). On my Stonehenge trip, I made a few friends, which I think I mentioned in that post. One of them, Brad, is studying in London, so he gave me his number so we could hang out. It took a while for me to get a chance to set something up with him, but today we finally got together. Oh my. The poor guy. He and one of his friends, a cute girl named Natalie, met me at Fortnum and Mason and we did a little chocolate shopping before heading to Leicster Square and China Town to meet another of their friends and to go to lunch. My brain sort of shorted and suddenly I had nothing I could think of to say to anyone. I know its sort of just like that when you're with people you don't really know, but its worse for me now because when I don't have something to say, my mind wanders off and I start thinking about all sorts of nothings, and I miss half the conversation and look spacey or uninterested. I think its a bad sign if people keep asking you if you're okay during conversations, like Brad did at lunch. Oops! So, I will beg everyone's patience when I come home. Ease me back into the world of normal people that socialize. Rehabilitate my neglected social skills and soon enough I'm sure I'll be able to carry on a decent conversation without slipping into my own reverie and imagination. Maybe. I'm not making any promises ;)