Farewell to London

I'm writing this a little premature, but I'll only be in London for about another 36 hours and I'm not sure, with all the busy business of packing three girls for a two month vacation, that I'll get another chance. Well, my heavens what a time its been these past ten weeks. Ten doesn't seem like a very big number, and in some ways I feel like I've just barely unpacked, and now here I am repacking. The last little while that I've walked around our neighborhood or gone to some of the places I frequent the most, I've begun to realize how used I got to being here. When I walked through Kensington Gardens for the last time yesterday, I slowed down a little and tried to enjoy it a little more than usual. The food here hasn't been awful, but its taken some getting used to; today I realized that it will probably take some getting used to eating American food again. Having done without so much of the things I was so used to, like peanut butter and regular bread, I wonder if I'll even like them still. This past week was especially hard for me. With the girls out of school, I'm a lot more busy at the house. For some reason, being on summer holiday hasn't made their attitudes much better. In fact, they've been particularly difficult recently. Their mom doesn't quite understand how stressful it is for me, or how exhausting. The second they get too annoying for her, I'm in charge and she's suddenly very busy... which is fine. That's what I'm paid for. Sometimes I just find it so tiring that I have to steal away for a few minutes to regain my energy. I think the next few weeks, traveling to New York and Nantucket, will be exciting and lots of fun. I just have no idea how me and Farran are going to lug seven huge suitcases all over the place. I sort of feel like she just packed the things that were in the way, things that she wanted to get out of their closets so they would look neat. I'm not sure we're carrying anything they'll really need. But I'm just the help, what do I know. Ten weeks is a long time to be away from home. At least it is for me. It's a long time to be out of place. Its a long time to be at work. I'm still on the job for at least three more weeks, maybe four. Leaving London still feels like some sort of conclusion, though. I won't go through all the things I learned while being here, partly because there are far too many, and partly because I've already burdened you with them in previous posts. No, I think all I really have to say is that it's been good. Not easy. Good. It's been difficult; one of the hardest things I've ever done. I don't regret coming, though. I know before I left people would say things like, "Oh I've heard horror stories about nannies getting terrible familys" etc, etc. I heard that a lot. And some days I am pretty certain that this is the most horrific thing I've ever done. Some days its all I can do to put on a smile and not beg Farran to send me home on the next flight to Salt Lake. But I don't regret it. I got myself into this, and I think I needed it. I don't think I could have learned so much or grown so much as I have since getting here. Even reading in my journal or through the beginning of my blog, I can tell I'm a different person now than I was on May 5th, before I got on that plane. I hope its a good thing. I'm pretty sure its a good thing. I haven't been able to relax and be myself other than in my own company; I haven't been much of a personality since I'm constantly either at work or exploring by myself. I wonder if when I get home all I'll be able to do is sit on the couch and stare at the wall and slowly unwind. Or perhaps going so long without having a personality, simply being the nanny, will make me even more energetic and social when I get back. Besides that, I think the changes have been good. I sort of know what I'm looking for from life. I guess I sort of knew before, but the details of it aren't quite so hazy. I'm sort of at a loss as to what to say about leaving London...I'll miss it, but I don't know that I'll feel a desperate need to come back for a while. I'm excited for something new, and after that, I'm ridiculously excited for home. I always thought the phrase "home is where the heart is" was somewhat trite and cliche, but now I feel like that phrase is me in a nutshell. Three weeks. I can make it.