A Dangerous Pastime...

Thinking. Besides walking, this is probably the thing I do the very most these days. I will only be in London for two more weeks, and then I'm headed back for the States. Not home yet, mind you. Oh no, New York and Nantucket are on the schedule for the two weeks after that, and THEN home. More or less. Anyway, my point is that as my time in London winds down, I'm feeling a bit like I've done my experience here a bit of an injustice. The challenge that it has been seems to get all my attention when I'm talking to people, posting here, or writing emails. And yes, it has been one of the greatest challenges of my life! But I feel like I have neglected the absolutely wonderful things that make up my life here. I talk so much about the headaches the girls cause, and leave out the sweet conversations I have with Maggie when she begs me to stay by her bed just a little longer. I never mentioned that when she told me she didn't like to go to bed because she had bad dreams, that I talked to her about praying. I told her how I used to have very, very scary dreams, and sometimes I still do. I told her that if I say a prayer to Heavenly Father to help the dreams to go away, I never have bad dreams. She didn't seem too interested, but the next night, she was so excited to tell me that she was going to pray for only good dreams! And promptly put her hands together and pinched her eyes shut to pray. I don't write about how I get to walk through Kensington Gardens at least once a week on my way to church, and enjoy the open space and the trees and the grass. Somehow the fun I have with these girls slips through the cracks and all anyone hears about is how loud they can scream, the number of swear words they know, and how fun they think it is to ignore me. I just want to set the record straight, and while I don't know that I'll be able to set it straight to everone I've talked to, here is my attempt. This family has been spectacular. Yes, they are different from my family, yes they have a different dynamic. Yes its been a challenge to adjust. But Farran especially has been very considerate of me and has made certain that I have the best experience I can. Yes there are frustrations here and there, but it would be a bit uncanny if there weren't. And I love these little girls. Yes, they are spoiled, but they are sweet. The other day Maggie told me that "it's good luck if a pigeon wee's on you, but its bad luck if a pigeon poos on you." Every night they insist on hearing stories about me when I was little. They are smart and they are funny and they know what's going on in their world. They have taught me a lot about myself and the kind of person I want to be. For a while there, I was certain that I wouldn't miss them much when I was home. That was silly of me; I'm going to miss them desperately. Maybe not the tantrums or the attitude, but I'll miss chatting with Maggie, I'll miss playing backgammon with Charlotte, and I'll miss telling stories to little Farran. And I'll miss London! I am a little surprised about that, because I'm pretty tired of this big, big city. But I'll miss the way the buildings look and I'll miss my walks through Kensington Gardens. I'll miss Pollock, Cezanne, Monet, and Ruebens. I'll miss St. James gardens. I'll miss Patisserie Valerie and Pauls Boulangerie. I'll miss Holland Park and Sticky Toffee Fudge ice cream. Mostly, though, I'll miss those girls. Maybe not immediately after I'm home, but I know I will. Anyway, I just felt like I've been way too negative about these last two months. Tomorrow marks my eight-week mark. Yes, its been hard. Yes, I've felt like crying quite often, and have broken down in tears once or twice. But the challenges always smooth out for the better. Like the tube being on the fritz and making me half an hour late for church resulting in me getting to walk through the park in the sunshine afterall. Or Maggie deciding she was sick and didn't want to go to school and therefore cancelling my plans to explore for the day, giving me the chance to get some projects done that I've been meaning to do for a while. I think every situation has its flip side. I think too often I forget that Heavenly Father loves me to a ridiculous degree, and if only I look for it, every situation can have something wonderful about it. He wants life to be wonderful, so He sends the challenges that make me a stronger person, but with them he sends small miracles and tender mercies. So yes, that is about all that I wanted to say about that. All I would add is that quote again. "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms--to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." To choose one's own way.